It would be two months already another four more days... But sometimes things don't turn out as we want and predict... It's 10th of April 2011... It has been such a long time since my last post... But that's not the point... The reason I'm writing this blog today is to release a lil bit of my stress and pressure and tell everyone stories of mine... I just broke up with the girl I love... The reason is not that I've stop loving her... I've probably made one of the hardest decision in my life... People always say loving someone is not necessary to be together with them... But I've always disagreed with the statement... Because for me, if I love someone, I will try my best to get her and let her have the best happiness and care that she can ever have... But maybe I've finally understood what is the meaning of the statement now... So that's why I chose to let go... Sometimes she will say I've changed... But actually I don't... I still love her like I always do... And even more and more every day... Hmm... It has been a few days we had quarreled and everything seemed to be worse and worse every day... And I'm not convincing enough for her anymore... From that, I've already prepared for any bad outcome... An hour or more ago, we chatted... She said confused... I could get the answer already just from that word... I asked should we continue and the answer was "don't know"... Well, I guess everyone knows what does that mean right? It took me so much time and guts to say it... At first, I really couldn't do it... But, Finally I had said it... Let's break up... It probably hurt her so much... But that's the only choice I had... It might hurt a lot... But it's not permanent... There's always bad person before the good one... So, I chose to be the bad one for her... I decided to say even though I didn't want to... She might already have no feelings in me anymore for some period but she didn't know that... And she's confused and didn't know what to do... Well, I love you... Don't have to do anything... Just leave everything to me...
For now, I just hope she can get over it as soon as possible because she has a lot things to handle in college... Sometimes I just feel so useless because I can't help any single thing... And she even stop telling me her stuff since last week... She faces stress and pressure alone and I'm just helpless... Making that decision probably helps a lot as well as she doesn't have to carry another burden anymore... She can concentrate on studies and her friends and family... Besides, there are still a lot of good and big fish in the ocean waiting her...
I cried... My eyes are red... My heart increased... But now it slows down... And slowly I can't feel any heartbeat anymore... It feels like stabbing my own heart with a knife myself... It's so hard... So hard... And I might regret for what I make... But, but... For her... I have no choice... I just want to see her face will smiles and laughters... Well, I guess I can only see from behind now... I can just do everything behind... Take care of her from behind... Watch out her back... Haha... What can I do? I'm a coward after all...
Please take good care of yourself... You're a grown up now... I know you don't like to listen to me... It's ok... Just remember to drink more water... Take breakfast... Your stomach is weak... Take good care of it... Your friends and family love you... Get advice from them sometimes when you feel lost... They're always there for you... Forget my existence if you could... I'm sorry for any cause and pain that I've made... Stay healthy and happy... Remember, I'm the bad guy not you... Don't blame yourself... A guy like me is not worth to be loved...
I just wanna say... I love you...
No comments:
Post a Comment